found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
