the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
