Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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