i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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