i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
