This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
