May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
