And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
