i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
