Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
