i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
