First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
