Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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