I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
