So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
