I seem to have left my pride at pride
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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