i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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