This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
