also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
