with your own penis?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
