Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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