You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
