I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
