If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
