At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We are two peas in an std pod
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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