AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
