I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
