This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
