Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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