just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It's just like the Real World with babies
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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