I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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