hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Randomize