i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
