There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
