you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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