sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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