Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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