it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
