I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
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