I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
