Joe is yelling at the trees again.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
