if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
