My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
