You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
