I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
