The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
