Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
