White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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