alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
