my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
