i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
