He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
