Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
