we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
