You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
