I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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