i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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