eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
