He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
