Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
