i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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