i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
