I feel like abortions should bother me more
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
