Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
