end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
