woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
