is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
