So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
