How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
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