in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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