so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
