You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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