i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
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