i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
