Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
