I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
