Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
