All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
