apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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