guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize