It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
