Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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