I smell stomach acid.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
