The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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