I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
