do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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