I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
