Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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