Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
