Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
