Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
