I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
