Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize