Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
