dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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