Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
