I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Life is so much better after having sex.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
