I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
