i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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