I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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