you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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