would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
