I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize