he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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