Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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