ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
